I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what it means to be a man. Not simply a male of a certain age, but someone who embodies the characteristics of mature masculinity.
There are two parts to the puzzle and neither one is easy.
The first is to know and understand what those characteristics are. Obviously, lots of guys get this part wrong.
I know a guy, for example, who thinks that a man who has his shit together never screws up. Which is, of course, a really stupid thing to think and it leads him further down the wrong path because when he does screw up, he can’t admit to himself that he has, and so he always finds a way to blame someone else or circumstances or whatever. This leads to two main problems. The first is that he doesn’t learn from his mistakes and the second is that he loses the respect of the people around him. So by trying to be what he thinks a man should be, he actually achieves the opposite result. This is not an uncommon problem in all of life. Our actions often result in the opposite of what we want.
So first you have to figure out what a man should be and then you have to figure out how to be that.
You run into problems with that because of habits. If you have habitually been doing the wrong thing all your life, then even if you figure out that you need to do things differently, you find yourself falling back into habitual patterns. Changing habits is extremely difficult.
The solution is to be aware of what you’re doing and not just act habitually. You need to realize when you’re making choices and choose the right path. It’s not as easy to do as it is to write. The keys are consistent effort and learning from your successes and failures.
Richard Random Thoughts
We are all on amazing journeys and sometimes the going is smooth and sometimes the going gets rough and you have to know that it will always be that way. All we can do is keep moving forward and reach out to our fellow travelers when we need a hand and offer them ours when they, in turn, hit a rough spot. We all have the ability to heal ourselves and to heal others when we open our hearts and simply care about each other.
And I don’t mean that in a greeting card way. It is literally true. If it sounds like nonsense; you’re in a rough spot.
Richard Random Thoughts
I haven’t posted in a while. I think I’ve been busy acting in the play and I haven’t watched it lately… if you know what I mean.
My Mom’s birthday was a lot of fun and I actually had a good time socializing. No, that’s not right. What made it fun was that I was able to have some really good conversations with people I like. The ones that stand out were… my sister – we had great conversations driving to and from Reno. Emily – my cousin William’s wife. I never had a chance to talk with her before and she’s very cool. Kendal – my cousin Karen’s husband. I always enjoy talking with him. He’s very genuine and always interesting and we see eye to eye on many things. Mike – Barbara’s husband. Again, someone I’ve never really talked to before and we hit it off and had a great conversation about philosophy and the book he’s writing. Great guy. Barbara – We always immediately fall into these really deep conversations and it was such a pleasure to see her and talk with her. What a great person she is and I am blessed to know her. Aunt Rosalie – I love her so much and we had a great talk. Aunt Alice – She always touches my heart and I can’t hardly see her without getting misty. Joyce – My mom’s friend for many, many years. A great person. And as always, my Mom and Doug.
It’s weird.. I socialize for a living and yet I’m almost always uncomfortable in social situations. I may decide this is an issue I need to work on and I may not. Time will tell.
Richard Random Thoughts
